Sometimes … Well, sometimes I get really tired of having DID. Yesterday was one of those days.

Having DID makes close relationships challenging. Okay, any relationship challenging, but especially the close ones.

My daughter and I have been struggling almost her whole life and especially in the last couple of years. Sometimes … it just seems like I should throw in the towel. Trying to get all the people in my head to remember the boundaries they need to keep with my daughter feels impossible a lot of the time. I’ll think I’ve got the parts sorted out and then someone else in there gets triggered and says things … Kaboom! Sigh.

Why do it? Why work so hard?

Bottom line, it’s about love. I love my daughter and want her to be happy. The only way that has a chance of happening is if I un-enmesh from her.

When she started pulling away two years ago, it felt like she was ripping my heart and guts out. Parts were mad at her and at her therapist. What was she doing to me? Didn’t she care how I felt? (Yeah, what does that sound like?) It took a long time and several joint trips to her therapist before I could understand what was really going on. She and I were so tightly enmeshed that she was spending most of her emotional energy trying to make sure I was all right. She barely had a life of her own. If there was any chance of that happening, she had to pull away and let me figure out how to take care of my own emotional health.

Honestly, that seemed completely impossible at the time. Quite often it still feels impossible.

But the jumble of thoughts and voices in my head keep coming back to love — for her, for my husband. Because the most miraculous thing of all is that they love me! And love gets me through one more day.